the ace up your sleeve is a wine red heart hand exposed to all players (a hand i wish to hold) cupid’s casino is rigged yet in wagers of romance, you go all in–i fold my arms & stuff your heart with dollar bills just to break even (jackpot: three withered roses in a row) i wear a spade on my sleeve a former heart charred nicotine, soiled by the plaque of the past (historians hate this) i keep a quilt of used condoms bandaged over the hips of my heart: a makeshift mask (kiss me on my poker face) i think: if i keep trying eventually you will love me. this is the gambler’s fallacy (see also: insanity) we are both such addicts for heartbreak. - (my ribcage weighed down by broken horseshoes until my bones shatter & collapse like a house of cards) –they say a rabbit’s foot is lucky but the tortoise won’t accommodate the amputated hare –they say 7 is lucky, but who ever heard of a 13 year itch? –they say four-leaf clovers are lucky but not when playing nature’s roulette 1) loves
maybe i should wear contacts by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
maybe i should wear contacts
i broke my glasses & my backup pair & my heart on the same hangover (the same day you got your new pair and almost broke them when you collapsed to the floor) but i don't need glasses to see that you can do better than me
My Heart is a Jukebox without an Audience by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
My Heart is a Jukebox without an Audience
If music be the food of love,
I’m a hungry Van Gogh, ear
chopped off, unable to feed
this deafened h(ear)t.
No, I can no longer listen
to the playlist I curated—
of all the songs that remind me
of you, this lover’s picnic
in my mind, some idyllic fantasy
where we sip water bottle Vodka
in Sunset Park and wax nostalgic
over flirty bartenders & animated
gophers. In such a scene like this,
you’d serenade to me about the exes
you still love, your cigarette-stained
fingers plucking guitar strings—and I'd
think, oh, how I wish they were me,
as you fumble over a D minor chord
(my initials) & I envy your past muse.
Al
The Anachronistic Fountain Thief (a sonnet) by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
The Anachronistic Fountain Thief (a sonnet)
A drive away, yet centuries apart
I wish that I could kiss away your plagues
I’m digging through the cushions of your heart
A penny for your thoughts - but naught would change
For I could steal the wishes out of wells
But still could not make heads or tails of You
The fate of feelings, only time will tell
My soul, a cuckoo clock long overdue
See you live in the mistakes of the past
And I live in a future of what-ifs
These flights of fancies got my heart jet lagged
But any trip spent with you is a gift
Schrödinger’s hypotheticals aside
The coin of us still spinning on its side
our hearts became a pair
of unsynchronized clocks
a time-bomb never
meant to detonate;
i fell in love
then you fell in love
but it just wasn't
with each other
your body is an island
my body is an island too
all this water in between us
there's nothing we can do
we were once together
then our plates collided
pangaea severed
now we're just two
scattered islands
split up forever
our ground started to rift
tectonic shift
caused our continental drift
so now all we are
is an archipelago
and to think my greedy canine heart almost drowned by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
and to think my greedy canine heart almost drowned
my lips catch
fire from calling
out your name
trying to catch
your attention
like a deadly flu
(your smile has
no vaccine)
trying to catch
your heart
in my fishing net
(but your love
is like a shark)
trying to catch
the next flight
to wonderland
(population you)
trying to catch
myself from falling
for you or your lies
(but this balcony
begs to differ)
trying to catch
everything but feelings
but oh silly me
i must have forgotten
my baseball g
love
surrogate love contagion by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
surrogate love contagion
things i wanted to tell you:
(crying in your car edition)
excuse my embarrassment,
but you're just so beautiful
& i’m just so unavailable
excuse my apprehension,
but i want it to be perfect
(we’re always bad timing
& worse luck)
excuse my curiosity,
but i want to read
the braille of your heart,
feel its wants and needs
and regrets (you can feel
mine)
excuse my aesopian analogies,
but i’m the greedy dog
who can't swim
to clarify:
you're the reflection;
temptation, the river;
me, drowning
excuse my contingency,
but you're the understudy
of my hydrophobic heart,
the backup star of its new play:
a long-awaited romance
with
TARtrazine + Feathers by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
TARtrazine + Feathers
i am a black portrait in a golden frame,
a black swan posing as a golden goose;
this heart of gold is a fraud in my chest
just black tar dipped in yellow paint.
cosmetic graffiti
stains my soul a
splintered onyx,
a reverse midas,
on my throne of
gilded charcoal;
i’m just another shadow puppet
caught in a xanthic masquerade,
waiting for the dye to wash away.
the ace up your sleeve is a wine red heart hand exposed to all players (a hand i wish to hold) cupid’s casino is rigged yet in wagers of romance, you go all in–i fold my arms & stuff your heart with dollar bills just to break even (jackpot: three withered roses in a row) i wear a spade on my sleeve a former heart charred nicotine, soiled by the plaque of the past (historians hate this) i keep a quilt of used condoms bandaged over the hips of my heart: a makeshift mask (kiss me on my poker face) i think: if i keep trying eventually you will love me. this is the gambler’s fallacy (see also: insanity) we are both such addicts for heartbreak. - (my ribcage weighed down by broken horseshoes until my bones shatter & collapse like a house of cards) –they say a rabbit’s foot is lucky but the tortoise won’t accommodate the amputated hare –they say 7 is lucky, but who ever heard of a 13 year itch? –they say four-leaf clovers are lucky but not when playing nature’s roulette 1) loves
maybe i should wear contacts by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
maybe i should wear contacts
i broke my glasses & my backup pair & my heart on the same hangover (the same day you got your new pair and almost broke them when you collapsed to the floor) but i don't need glasses to see that you can do better than me
My Heart is a Jukebox without an Audience by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
My Heart is a Jukebox without an Audience
If music be the food of love,
I’m a hungry Van Gogh, ear
chopped off, unable to feed
this deafened h(ear)t.
No, I can no longer listen
to the playlist I curated—
of all the songs that remind me
of you, this lover’s picnic
in my mind, some idyllic fantasy
where we sip water bottle Vodka
in Sunset Park and wax nostalgic
over flirty bartenders & animated
gophers. In such a scene like this,
you’d serenade to me about the exes
you still love, your cigarette-stained
fingers plucking guitar strings—and I'd
think, oh, how I wish they were me,
as you fumble over a D minor chord
(my initials) & I envy your past muse.
Al
The Anachronistic Fountain Thief (a sonnet) by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
The Anachronistic Fountain Thief (a sonnet)
A drive away, yet centuries apart
I wish that I could kiss away your plagues
I’m digging through the cushions of your heart
A penny for your thoughts - but naught would change
For I could steal the wishes out of wells
But still could not make heads or tails of You
The fate of feelings, only time will tell
My soul, a cuckoo clock long overdue
See you live in the mistakes of the past
And I live in a future of what-ifs
These flights of fancies got my heart jet lagged
But any trip spent with you is a gift
Schrödinger’s hypotheticals aside
The coin of us still spinning on its side
our hearts became a pair
of unsynchronized clocks
a time-bomb never
meant to detonate;
i fell in love
then you fell in love
but it just wasn't
with each other
your body is an island
my body is an island too
all this water in between us
there's nothing we can do
we were once together
then our plates collided
pangaea severed
now we're just two
scattered islands
split up forever
our ground started to rift
tectonic shift
caused our continental drift
so now all we are
is an archipelago
and to think my greedy canine heart almost drowned by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
and to think my greedy canine heart almost drowned
my lips catch
fire from calling
out your name
trying to catch
your attention
like a deadly flu
(your smile has
no vaccine)
trying to catch
your heart
in my fishing net
(but your love
is like a shark)
trying to catch
the next flight
to wonderland
(population you)
trying to catch
myself from falling
for you or your lies
(but this balcony
begs to differ)
trying to catch
everything but feelings
but oh silly me
i must have forgotten
my baseball g
love
surrogate love contagion by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
surrogate love contagion
things i wanted to tell you:
(crying in your car edition)
excuse my embarrassment,
but you're just so beautiful
& i’m just so unavailable
excuse my apprehension,
but i want it to be perfect
(we’re always bad timing
& worse luck)
excuse my curiosity,
but i want to read
the braille of your heart,
feel its wants and needs
and regrets (you can feel
mine)
excuse my aesopian analogies,
but i’m the greedy dog
who can't swim
to clarify:
you're the reflection;
temptation, the river;
me, drowning
excuse my contingency,
but you're the understudy
of my hydrophobic heart,
the backup star of its new play:
a long-awaited romance
with
TARtrazine + Feathers by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
TARtrazine + Feathers
i am a black portrait in a golden frame,
a black swan posing as a golden goose;
this heart of gold is a fraud in my chest
just black tar dipped in yellow paint.
cosmetic graffiti
stains my soul a
splintered onyx,
a reverse midas,
on my throne of
gilded charcoal;
i’m just another shadow puppet
caught in a xanthic masquerade,
waiting for the dye to wash away.
it's hard to love a trainwreck by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
it's hard to love a trainwreck
Note to self: Do not fall.
apart. Do not fall in love
with a Scientologist. Do
not let a coin make life-
changing decisions. Do
not listen to the leaves,
or to Honest Abe; he
says Heads, but I say
Tails. Do not listen to
the Devil on your left
shoulder; shrug your
right one, but do not
listen to the angel,
either. Do not listen
to your libido; listen
to your heart, even
when you're going
deaf. Do not listen
to The All-American
Rejects when
you're depressed. Do not
listen to this. Do not take
my advice. Do not take a
chance. Do not take two
pills. Do not take Physics;
do not take out the trash.
Do not take out al
anthem for the damned and lost by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
anthem for the damned and lost
i'll settle for the outliers
in their imperfect homes
and assume them Gods
and Kings and paragons
of what-i-wish-i-was.
i'll ignore the fire
surrounding the
castle and focus
on the gold.
i'll realise Time is jealous
of Infinity for never
worrying about ending,
yet Infinity is jealous
of Time for never
handling the thought
of eternal Eternity.
mirror, mirror, on the wall.
who's the most fucked-up
of all?
we all are we all are we all are we all are
we all are each other's untold secrets;
we all are each other's forgotten past;
we all are each other's invisible eraser;
we all are each other's inabilities to be
loved, to l
climate changes of your thighs by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
climate changes of your thighs
please understand
why you and the weather
aren't best friends anymore:
because you called a twister
tornado in bed.
please understand
that the rain doesn't
fall when you cry,
and it will not
snow on your birthday.
please understand
that you were born
during a thunderstorm,
and that's why your mother
named you disappointment.
please understand
that you will die
during typhoon season
your last word: goodbye,
your voice shivering like
an electric whirlwind,
your last breath stolen
by a salty hurricane.
please understand
that when you left,
the sun still shone
like the jealous star it is
a ball made of hydro
what to do if california sinks by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
what to do if california sinks
step one: when you realize
the west coast is drowning
in the sea's heart, don't panic.
not now, not here, not ever.
no matter how much it kills you
that the left side holds every
dream you forced yourself awake in,
from the flame-ridden weddings
to being bludgeoned with a bat,
don't fucking panic.
step two: realize that the girl on the right
will actually talk to you, and even listen!
disregard the fact that you've spent half
your life, half an hour, fishing in an empty
lake (not that you ever had bait anyway)
step three: realize dreams
are just imaginary friends;
nightmares, imaginary enemies.
realize evaporation is fake
a
it's hard to love a trainwreck by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
it's hard to love a trainwreck
Note to self: Do not fall.
apart. Do not fall in love
with a Scientologist. Do
not let a coin make life-
changing decisions. Do
not listen to the leaves,
or to Honest Abe; he
says Heads, but I say
Tails. Do not listen to
the Devil on your left
shoulder; shrug your
right one, but do not
listen to the angel,
either. Do not listen
to your libido; listen
to your heart, even
when you're going
deaf. Do not listen
to The All-American
Rejects when
you're depressed. Do not
listen to this. Do not take
my advice. Do not take a
chance. Do not take two
pills. Do not take Physics;
do not take out the trash.
Do not take out al
text message translator by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
text message translator
You say: Hi
I interpret: I'm acknowledging your existence.
I respond: Heyy :)
I mean: I love acknowledging yours.
You ask me: What are you doing later ?
I tell you: nothing.
You say: same.
I say: Let's do nothing together,
and you say okay.
the best 45 minutes of the day by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
the best 45 minutes of the day
Coffee kisses in your car,
listening to the uhn tiss
bass as my tongue caved
into the cave of your lips.
Let's pretend a heart is
an Adam Lambert song
blasting the speakers in
your Shit-Mobile.
Give me your Fever;
I will be your Advil,
a prescribed lover,
if you'll take me in
the recommended dosage,
take me in your arms,
take me to the moon,
carry me to the sky.
There were no stars in Vegas
until I found you.
a nonymous confession, please. by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
a nonymous confession, please.
The last time I wrote about you,
the only time I wrote about you,
I could still remember what your
voice sounded like. Now I'm just
peeling bandages off my sleeves,
pretending I can laugh about my
wounds in a year or so.
But I only have courage
when there's a "dis" in
front of it. Like the "dis"
in disappointment. Are
you disappointed? Not
as much as I am
humiliated, ashamed,
self-afflicted secrecy;
i call deliberate embarrassment.
you know,,, i'm the kind of kid
that never undresses his scars.
You leave me in such awe
I could disconnect my jaw
and put it in Pandora's Box;
while I'm here, I'll store my hope in,
hopin' it won't ever open. So I'll
smother it with forty locks.
Mischief is my middle name;
don't tell me yours is the same.
Or I'll change it to Frightened,
or Dead, or Enlightened,
or Sorrow or Wallow-in-Shame.
Kept it hidden in an urn,
phoenix ashes left to burn.
Pluck my ribs, put them in
Zeus's Greco Jar of Sin,
tell me that I'll never learn
how to turn gas into a spark,
how to turn light into dark,
how to turn an empty urn
into a museum for my parts.
You're sarcastic, masochistic.
I'm a s
slow motion guilt or acid trip by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
slow motion guilt or acid trip
read my lips--lift the kiss print.
come a little closer, perfect fit.
read my heart's aortic charts,
literature for the broken arts.
read my skin cells,
sex cells, jail cells.
Carcinogenic,
or bibliophilic.
the bookstore sells
cancer cells. i read
this one already; it
sucks. the ending
sucks. all endings
suck. but this one
swallows.
read my mind--you're on it.
inside you'll find
a boy in a closet,
carving bones from his
skeleton safety deposit
read my bone structure:
i'm invertebrate
not a chordate.
cut off my patella: loves me;
break my tibia: loves me not
(i put the 'fib' in 'fibula'
i'm lucid dreaming while awake by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
i'm lucid dreaming while awake
Dear My Psychokinetic Boy:
Let's learn astral projection
in ninety days. I'll be in Las
Vegas, and you'll be in San
Diego, but every night we'll
meet in my dreams. You'll
karate chop the monsters,
protect me from banshees
and incubi, bubble wrap us
in energy forcefield shields.
Let's learn teleportation
before the twentyninth,
your halfbirthday. Then
we could see each other
whenever you'd start to
miss me or whenever I'd
start to miss you. Or to
kiss your lips goodnight.
you're proof love still exists by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
you're proof love still exists
i believe in imaginary numbers and telephone numbers.
i believe in conjugating french verbs and french kisses.
i believe in every religion and every god ever invented.
i believe in psionics and biology, anatomy & astrology.
because:
300 miles is nothing; $50 is nothing; 6 hours is nothing.
je suis à toi. tu es à moi. i am yours, and you are mine.
i worship the church in your heart, your ribcage chapel.
together we defy scientific laws like gravity & distance.
i believe in the art of love.
i believe in a love for art.
i believe in a life without you,
but if i ever had to live one,
i'd rather believe in death.
i want to need to need to want by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
i want to need to need to want
I need: double A batteries,
a screwdriver, and a bottle
of gin. Make that a double.
Make me a sandwich, extra
rum. Make me an alcoholic.
Kill my liver. Hello, cirrhosis.
You know how much I hate
poison, hate you. You know
how much I need
I need: five more minutes,
please. I need: to write a
poem that makes sense. I
need: somebody to tell me
how "needing" differs from
"wanting", how "addiction"
differs from "obsession" or
how "you" differs from you
I want: the one without quotation marks
why all psychics are cheaters: by ChloroformBoy, literature
Literature
why all psychics are cheaters:
loving you--
battleship with a
mind reader:
my missiles
always miss you; i
miss you more.
you win
why do i
play games i know i'll
always lose ?
probably
because i'm playing
against you
household objects i imagine myself as by twelvedaysofjune, literature
Literature
household objects i imagine myself as
i. a candle. perhaps
vanilla - everyone is mostly okay
with vanilla, it's no one's absolute favorite,
but it's pretty much always
okay. i would like to be
pretty much always okay. being okay
is a novel concept to me. i could write a book
of all the times i have wished to be okay,
but it would be a rather sad book
and i'm not sure anyone would read it.
i'm not even sure i would read it.
so i'll stick to being a candle,
the kind you put up on a a shelf
and never light
and that's okay.
ii. a napkin. great
for cleaning up your messes,
then easily discarded,
forgotten about. i would preferably
be the kind with pretty patterns,
but as long as i
hesitation comes with intoxication,
dangerous fingers and knobby knees
tucked close, a hibernation under
triggers and tangents,
canceled subscriptions
and a failure to commit
liquor talks with a lisp
and stutters at the thought
of your bare body
beneath the bar lights,
a trail of wineglass
shards and a swimming
pool of chardonnay
sip and synapse,
betrayal is never just fine,
so tell me a story, honey
wrap me up in
your paper thin skin
of beauty and perfection
sprinkle your half-slurred
words into my open ears
until your chest feels
as empty as this bottle
teach me how you measure love
against loneliness; show me
the differences between
fairy circles and old wives tales-
there are lines one crosses,
and ones you shouldn't
so much as inch towards,
and honey, names are remembered
the same way as a brand,
so be kind and leave
your iron shackles at the door,
they're not welcome here
I have been thinking about
your hands, how they touched me-
fingers that were shadows
that were rivers, each a stream
of subtle, each a petal
landing on my skin.
On my shoulder they were
curtains and in my hair
they were wind chimes.
In the dark, on the bus,
your hands-