I like the way you add a visual dimension to the poem, it seems like you do that a lot, whether like this, or with the picture poetry. It's great to have a consistent style when it's more of an undercurrent when compared to the primary objective of the artwork. I love your propensity to use play-on phrases, or phrases that have multiple dimensions.

What this translated to me was that you've seen someone, or known someone for a while who doesn't know you, which is to your dismay. Someone you want, or perhaps even love.

The vision is complete and while however explained in a complicated way, it's good to get the brain of it's ass and do something, but don't try to make it run a marathon, unless your me.

Originality is the greatest strength of this poem, barnone, however don't become so original that people can't relate to you, but enough to be considered amazing art, where it is.

The technique is hard to judge, since that it's part of your style to ignore traditional technique, so all I'll say is that the technique isn't a strength of this poem, I'm not saying stop writing in the unique way that you do, just... as in it's not apple juice's greatest strength to taste salty, but it's not necessarily that anyone wants it to.

While I fully grasped, and can personally relate to what I've assumed is the situation, there's not enough clarity to translate to any random person on the planet that they should feel pain for you. There's not enough convincing me that I should value the un-mutual love, but that fact alone is enough for any reader to feel bad for, even if it's not stellarly heart wrenching.

I'd try to add more to this, but I have work in the morning, but I'll definitely be looking at more of your stuff the next time I get the chance.